By Bob Lancer
When one or more members of a team employ emotional manipulation tactics, team morale, team performance and even team morals may suffer.
The emotional manipulator may use any number of subtle tactics to gain the upper hand by taking a low-road route.
For instance, he may use sighs, rolling eyes, or mumbled grumblings to express the negative attitude of being over-burdened, misused, or taken advantage of.
This represents nonverbal attempts at emotional manipulation.
The use of psychological manipulation is essentially self-defeating because it MUST backfire.
It backfires because expressing the attitude of a victim programs the subconscious into a state of powerlessness.
In other words, the attitude that you express programs you into believing in that attitude.
By engaging in the covert aggression of ACTING as someone who is oppressed and taken advantage of, you place yourself in that condition.
When you accept responsibility for your situation, you accept the power to improve it.
So negative emotional manipulators defeat themselves most of all by blaming others for their unhappiness, deprivation, or victimhood.
But they also harm their team, because their negative attitude radiates into the emotional climate of the workplace, the home, or the relationship in which they express it.
Just as a motivational speaker can uplift an audience with motivational speaking content, voice tones and gestures, negative, emotionally manipulative people can bring down those at the receiving end of their negative emotional tactics.
That is why effective team building trainings need to include instruction on how to recognize and deal with psychological manipulation techniques.
Another tactic used by manipulators can be described as “the impossible person technique.”
We have all encountered “impossible people”. These are people who seem unwilling to listen to reason.
For no fathomable reason they will argue contentiously, be contrary, refuse to process what you have to say while driving the conversation away from your point or issue.
These “impossible people” are often just using a “crazy making” manipulative tactic to maintain control.
When you feel that your attempt to communicate is like knocking your head against a solid wall, it’s easy to slip into your own unconscious negative manipulation tactic.
As soon as you lose your cool and begin blaming, complaining, or verbally attacking in an attempt to break through the wall of the impossible person, you are actually bound to defeat yourself with a negative emotional manipulation tactic.
This is because you are adopting the stance of a victim, of one who is being dominated or overpowered by the person who will not let you get through his wall.
The basic sign that you are encountering a psychological manipulator is that you are losing your own emotional balance, poise, calm confidence in response to what that other person is saying or doing.
This is also the sign that you yourself are falling into the pattern of trying to manipulate others with negative emotion.
To not defeat yourself, and to avoid being influenced by another’s negative psychological tactic, develop your calm confidence.
In the face of calm confidence the person who tries to manipulate you soon tires, because your reaction fails to feed the negative emotion of the manipulator.
And when you maintain your calm confidence you avoid unconsciously slipping into the use of a negative emotional manipulation tactic to gain the upper hand, following a low-road route.
Author, Motivational Speaker Star Bob Lancer ( http://www.motivationalspeakerpower.com ) specializes in team building, leadership development, and sales training. He’s hosted his own motivational WSB Radio show since 1996, broadcasting in 35 states.
His expertise in fulfilling both adult and child potential makes his team building seminars for school staff uniquely valuable ( http://www.schoolsupportmotivation.com ). He’s the author of top-selling books, creator of over 100 CD’s.
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